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Graceless Lady
15 April 2016 @ 11:24 pm
So at the moment I'm trying to find somewhere to go on holiday with the wife and daughter that is sunny, child-friendly and not extortionate at the start of July. I've religiously and carefully saved up some money for it and I know we desperately need to get away.
It's quite weird having to plan a holiday that's primarily friendly for a 4 year old.

In other real life news, my manager mentioned, as she was leaving work today, that she's on annual leave next week. Meaning I'm essentially in charge of the ward for the week and have to manage the staffing levels and safety of the patients and staff. My lovely Matron is going to be about to help me out but it's quite an intimidating feeling.

My main concern is how my mental health is going to hold out. I've had 3 big crashes this year, and when they hit me they wipe the floor with my. I can tell they're coming because I have a few days of being completely hypomanic but afterwards the crash is so bad I have literally no memory of several days.
I'm concerned because at the moment it's nearly midnight and I am full of energy and want to go out and go for a run and get rid of all the bubbling motivation I have. It's an incredible feeling, but I know in the back of my mind that another crash is coming and i'm scared it will hit when I'm meant to be managing a ward full of very vulnerable patients and staff that are stretched to breaking point .
(Several staff have gone off sick and one nurse resigned with immediate effect today. The ward is VERY difficult at the moment - we have a lot of ladies with very severe complex needs which require a lot of intense care. I have bruises on my face from being assaulted by confused and scared old ladies.)

This entry is all over the place, but I think It's particularly indicative of my current mental state. The more work I do with my psychotherapist the more stuff she is digging up that's causing some serious instability in what was some fairly well-managed but significant past trauma. I know the outcome in the long term will be beneficial, but at present I'm very aware of how vulnerable I am. I feel like a feather being blown about in a storm, I am definitely more at the mercy of my mental state than I am in control of it.
Current Location: Birmingham
Current Mood: restlessrestless
Current Music: Marilyn Manson; 'The Nobodies'
Graceless Lady
01 April 2016 @ 11:19 pm

I have been thinking for a good while about how much my life has changed over the last few years, and how I need a journal to straighten out some of the thoughts in my head and record some of the feelings and ongoing changes?

Then I remembered I had a journal. With some wonderful and dear friends who I (think) still also post similar, and might be kindly inclined to read and comment.

So I suppose after several false starts this is me saying I am going to try and keep an active journal again.
I don't know how often I will be able to post, or how frequently as my life is INCREDIBLY full. But I need somewhere to put all these thoughts and this seems like a fine place.

So hello.

How are we all?
Current Location: Birmingham
Current Mood: determineddetermined
Current Music: Stewart Lee reruns
Graceless Lady
20 September 2010 @ 05:45 pm
Right. Enough is enought. I've gotta do it - I'm going to sort out my Livejournal/Dreamwidth situation.

It seems to be the thing going on at the moment on my friends list, especially since LJ seems to keep ballsing up in new and unique ways. I'm not sure what's going to happen, but it will definitely not involve me 'leaving' Livejournal in the complete sense of the word, as I have far too many wonderful friends on here, am active in a lot of communities and am kinda attached as I've been in this place for *calculates* 10 years!
It's most likely going to involve my general entry posting moving over to Dreamwidth and then being duplicated over here. This journal will still remain active as far as commenting and friends listing-ing goes :)

To all of those who have a Dreamwidth account and are so inclined *smiles sweetly* would you find terribly adding me over there? I'm username sailor_jerr. I'll probably operate the same very liberal friends-only policy. My account there is pretty bare at the moment except for my profile information, but I'm hoping to get a nice layout and user icons etc. set up over the next few days.

Well. That's the end of the ridiculous service announcement, we can all relax and get excited about THE FULL DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 1. TRAILER COMING OUT ON WEDNESDAY FFFFFFUUUUU......
Current Mood: determineddecisivr
Graceless Lady
19 January 2010 @ 11:06 pm
Today I got a letter from the DWP (Department of Work and Pensions - the people that deal with benefits) saying, essentially, that I don't fulfil their criteria for being unwell, and therefore am no longer entitled to my Employment and Support allowance. And as such have no income whatsoever.

Triggering for mental health, and my being REALLY FUCKING ANGRYCollapse )
Tags: ,
Graceless Lady
20 September 2004 @ 01:01 am

Friends Only folks I'm afraid.
Add me, and I'll add you back. Pretty much in a jiffy.

landfill_sky, formally lumos_solem
Current Mood: coldcold
Current Music: jeff buckley; 'the sky is a landfill'